The Void

Napakasaya ng asignaturang Filipino. 

Ngayong araw na ‘to, nakilala na rin namin si Ginoong Biglaen. Sobrang nakatutuwa dahil ang pinakaunang ginawa niya ay mag kwento tungkol sa chalk; sikreto nalang ito ng kanyang mga estudyante, hihi. Hindi ko talaga malaman kung sa anong at aling mga galaw ko nakikita, pero kahawig niya si Daryl. Sobra. Tawang-tawa nga ako tuwing tumatawa siya, o kaya gumagalaw siya parang si Daryl. Hindi ko talaga alam. Para siyang “Ultra Daryl” na walang makatatalo, wala sa loob, at hindi nakababalisa. Hahaha.

Ok. Bukas ay ibibigay ko na ang mga recommendation letter sa mga napili kong mga guro. Hinga ng malalim. Mag-isa pa akong iikot-ikot sa mga faculty para hanapin kung nasaan ba talaga sila. Jusko. Hinga lang ng malalim, masaya ‘to. 

Pag inisip kong masaya ang mga gagawin ko, dun ako kailan magiging talagang masaya. 

I’m distancing myself in purpose because maybe I’ll be able to focus on college stuff.

Maybe we can all be friends again after I pass a college. But right now all I need are a few good friends, my study things, and my R&B/rap music.

Today was an alright day. Despite the fact that I didn’t know where the hell my classroom was at first, and had to run around the high school campus looking for it, it was all alright… in the end.

The day started with me waking around looking fo people, and ended with my looking for people while waiting for my mom to finish with the ProEx seminar thing. Here’s a bullet-point overview of my day: (i’m so lazy)

• Looked for Sab, and got to hug a lot of people I haven’t seen in awhile.
• Found Sab and talked to her and her green batch friend (who has become taller than me).
• Walked back to the CSC area to meet Lexa.
• We looked for my classroom, because I thought it was in the LMC and then we walked there, and walked back to the fourth year building to find that it’s in the very remote place.
• Freaked out in the classroom because I was at the very back and fmylife.
• We changed seating position and now I’m at the very front, and I hope it stays that way dammit.
• Found out who my teachers are, yay for one of a kind, “powerhouse” teachers!
• Got to talk to my Math teacher for a little bit.
• Recess: sat at the table thing near the spiral staircase with Lexa and her friend.
• The rest of the day was a haze until the Electives Orientation. (I hope I got into the one that I can handle).

I’m nonetheless okay with my class. They’re all very nice and stuff, but I can’t help feel like there’s something missing. But it will all be okay soon because we’ll be close, or as close as we can be; and maybe I’ll run for VP or something. 

“I’m gonna look cute on the first day of school, and then I’m going to push lower class bourgeoisie serf peasants in the hallways.”

I spent less than 900. Yay. :)

I went to Mega today to get my new lunchbox!! It’s Superman themed, even though I find Superman weird. Anyway, I’ve been wanting to buy a new lunchbox since the first week of summer so I’m really happy that I finally got to buy one (^.^). I also bought a bunch of stuff that will hopefully give me comfort this school year. It’s a big year for everyone, we’re all gonna be really busy so I hope these little things will make me not die.

I bought some incense sticks so I can feel fancy during nights like these when it’s raining really hard. They’re also something I’ve been wanting to get for a long time now, something to make my room feel more at home. Those are the things I’ve been spending my money on lately. I also bought a bunch of other losery things like the Ultimate Spiderman Vol. 1 (who knew I would find it at 1/4th it’s original price?), a box of Mongol number 2 pencils, and a set of erasers. Do I seem paranoid? Honestly, I’m just really scared that I won’t do well this year taking in mind that I’ve been slacking off for the past few days. I don’t even know what I mean because there isn’t any work to be done, but I can’t help but feel like I’m not being productive. I hate how the only way I can feel productive is if I use up all my energy memorizing names and dates and finding out how things work; but in the end it benefits me, doesn’t it? Cause I get to learn new things, right? Hmm.

Light a candle with me.
just a roman candle,
you can wear your sandals
and I’ll pour you just one cup of tea.
Then you can go and rest,
you haven’t seen my best, so…

Ang corny.

Siguro yun na yung paraan ni Lord para sabihin, “Wag ka na tumingin sa iba. Diyan ka na, pero aral muna.” 

Kasi inisip ko rin, eh. Kung tinagalan kong mamili ng spatos, kung binalikan ko yung 500 ko, kung ibang tren sinakyan ko, o kaya kung nag tricyle ako… siguro iba mangyayari. Nako, ito ka na naman, eh. 

Tinatanong ko na rin sa sarili ko, at yung sagot, “Sana hindi.”

Here’s to being a scatterbrain; I’ll try to piece everything well together for your sake.

Those auditions are this weekend and I have no idea what to put on that resume. Right now, I’m waiting for the introductory video-thing to load so I can get a good grip of what the hell I’m bringing myself into. I can’t help but feel that it’s such a big thing. Like looking at an equation and not knowing what to do; but then again, I always thought, that looking at it is just the beginning, that once you start solving the damn thing, it starts becoming easy. I’ve gone off topic again, haven’t I? But I think that’s the only way to explain it, because it’s always that way. I know at first I-we- can go like, “What the fuck, how do you do this?!” and then you know, “Ohhh, it’s that easy?” Okay, where have I gone now…

I’m actually kind of scared because everything I’m going to do this school year is out of my comfort zone: from these auditions; to joining year book club; not to mention becoming POES, what if I get singled out during class? or if I can’t answer a question? I think I’m gonna feel like I’ve let Sir Naic down. But, hey, isn’t that how you learn? By doing new and scary things? I’m also trying to learn German, by myself. I haven’t learned much other than verbs and nouns and simple things like: das Kind (the child), die Frau (the woman), das Wasser (the water); and sentences like: Ich esse (I am eating) or Du bist trinkt Wasser (You are drinking water).

Well, now I’m out of things to say in English so maybe I’ll try to talk in Filipino.

Dito na talaga lalabas ang pagka-senti ko. Hay nako, ano ba nangyayari? Parang nawawalang gana ako mag-aral. Siguro gusto ko lang samsamin yung natitirang linggo ng summer. Sana naman maganahan ulit ako, ang hirap ng pinipilit nalang lagi.

Katatapos ko lang basahin yung Dekada ‘70, ilang beses ko na ba na-Tweet? Ang ganda lang kasi, lalo pa gumanda nung may namatay at nagbago ang relasyon ni Julian at Amanda, para bang naging totoong tao sila. Ang ganda ng pagbabago kay Amanda, talagang naging babaeng mulat sa paligid niya. Ewan ko ba, mas gusto ko talaga yung ganoong mga libro, yung namumulat yung bida at may namamatay. Siguro simbolo yun, baka namumulat na rin ako, at dahil mayroon ngang taong nawala sakin kumakailan lang.

Nasisiyahan din ako dahil nagiging malapit na rin ako sa pamilya ko. Pero minsan tinatanong ko sa sarili ko, kailangan ba talaga may mawala para maging malapit? O di kaya’y kahit anong masamang pangyayari? Parang gan’on rin kasi sa mga librong nababasa at napapanood ko, eh. Kailangan ba talagang mag sayang ng dugo para maging mapayapa?

Ewan ko ba, kinse-anyos lang naman ako, ano ba ang alam ko? Minsan lang talaga, napag-iisipan ang mga ganyang bagay.

Basta, balik sa pinag-uusapan: nagiging malapit na ‘ko sa pamilya ko. Ayoko nang pahabain pa, nakahihiya naman sa’yo, kaya papakita ko nalang yung mga retrato namin noong nakaraang linggo:

Hay, nako, saka na nga. Hala, ni-isa diyan sa mga sinulat kong salitang Pilipino hinanap ko sa Google kung tama ba ang paggamit ko, pasensiya nalang kung mali pala. At kung tama naman, hanep ba? Lume-level up na si ate! (Siya nga pala, eto yung playlist para sa feelingerong-pinasan ko, naroon na yung explanation ng lahat ng kanta.)

“I think I need some fresh air.” *walks to Shang and back*

This day was so tiring even though I spent it ~all by myself~. I’m at a loss of words again, but then I had about three paragraphs written in my head the whole day. Well, then. Maybe I’ll start by saying that I bought a lot of crap today. And maybe now it’s time for an RDG moment xo

I bought (little)boy-underwear, WHO GIVES A FOOP OF A SHOOP BOOP. No, I’m not on coffee. You know, the red one actually has Waldo on it, so if I want to flirt with you I can’t just say “Do you want to try to find Waldo? He’s somewhere on my underwear ;)” BOOP SHOOP Children!! AND I REALLY LIKE THAT CAPTAIN AMERICA SHIRT (even though I haven’t read any of the comics, yolo) (^-^)v

I also bought happy socks, ^-^ the pink ones up there. THEY ARE SO COMFY AND SOFT, AND YOU KNOW, BRING IT ON COLD WEATHER. And I finally have nice gray socks to wear on my hipster-feelingero days; xoxo to those days! I also found a copy of The New X-Men at a Book Sale. I haven’t started reading it yet, though, like my other Book Sale-bought books. I also found the first issue of Omega the Unknown, not that I was looking for it, but still, I found one. Bleep, bloop, and shoop. Don’t forget those hair clips!!

Overall:
I walked: around 5 kilometers along EDSA.
I spent: more or less 1,000 Pesos. ^-^

I finally got to find a use for those containers I hoard around, too. I now use them as places to put my hair stuff in, so they won’t get lost. Daryl!! Neatness!! xoxo

And look what I found lying around… back from the days when I had a huge crush on Patrick Stump.

One last thing, here are most of the highlighters and markers I used up my entire junior year. Please note that those are not all of them. Sorry the color is so weird, I’m too lazy to fix it properly (.-.)

I’m gonna listen to Weezer now, and maybe fix my stuff for Anvaya tomorrow. xoxo hope you liked my RDG/DB moment :)

“Fives, on the other hand, can become frustrated by the on again, off again attentions of the Nine and begin to become cynical and pessimistic about the relationship, analyzing the Nine and intellectually dissecting the relationship both as a defense from being hurt and as a way to express anger over their disappointment.”

This feels so short-lived, don’t leave yet.